Isle of Wight News from our MP:
Andrew Turner, the Island’s MP (pictured), says he is writing to congratulate Father Christmas for being able to continue his very successful global operation delivering Christmas presents across the world in these days of political correctness and Health and Safety bureaucracy. 

Mr Turner highlighted just a few of the rules and regulations that should apply to such an organisation operating in the UK – that Father Christmas blithely ignores.

Mr Turner said,

“As far as I am aware, Father Christmas has not filled in any forms about the ethnic diversity of his elves or answered detailed questions about his equality policies – I’m not sure how an entire vertically-challenged workforce would fare.  I don’t think he has undertaken a government-sanctioned CRB check (because he is working with children), yet homes across the country look forward to his visit.  I doubt he has undertaken full risk-assessments, and kept the appropriate paperwork available for inspection, to cover all the roofs he is working on and the chimneys he has to clamber down.  And what about the EU Working Time Directive that he can’t possibly be complying with?  Perhaps he is exempt in some way from ‘elf-n-safety’ legislation!

“Father Christmas’s health must be a concern; with all the mince-pies and glasses of sherry left out for him it is hard to see how he is following Department of Health guidelines for a healthy balanced diet.  I bet he also hasn’t read their latest leaflet on how to lift heavy objects – that sack full of presents for children across the world must weigh a lot, and it probably still includes gender-specific toys that the authorities frown on anyway. 

“All in all it is hard to see how he continues in business whilst ignoring so much essential legislation and guidance. I’m surprised that he has not yet been banned from using his name – it does have the word Christ in it after all!”

Mr Turner admitted that his comments were intended to be humorous but says they highlight serious issues.  He conceded that some of the examples of legislation and guidance he mentioned made some sense but insisted:

“Even where measures are eminently sensible they are often simply ‘tick-box’ exercises.  We simply need less Government – at all levels.  Too much interference, monitoring and control by health and safety authorities takes away the ability of people to assess risk properly for themselves – they have filled in the right form so they don’t take reasonable precautions – and when an accident happens it is somebody else’s fault.  A culture of political correctness, even where it is well-meaning, can lead to unfair outcomes where minorities receive special treatment – at the expense of the majority.”

When it was suggested to Mr Turner that Father Christmas was a mythical figure, he responded angrily,

“That is an outrageous suggestion – I have a right to my beliefs – which should be respected – even if they are not mainstream ones.  I shall have to investigate and see what can be done about this under the Human Rights Act.”