Seasons Greetings to Peta Stuart-Hunt for sending our first and it appeared not last E-Greeting of the season.  Regular readers of Island Pulse may remember Peta, as she wrote a number of articles in the 8 years that she headed the PR Team for Cowes Week .

Peta a superb communicator with an enviable black book of marine leisure industry and lifestyle contacts, left Cowes Week earlier this year to head up her own company PR Works UK

We are sure there are people out there who have a dislike of e-cards, especially at christmas, afterall its not something you can put in a card-holder or place on the mantle shelf to gaze at the wealth of goodwill from friends and family.  Theres also little possibility of gathering your nearest and dearest around the laptop to wonder at your latest e-card greeting from friends and loved ones far away.

On the plus side barring any malicious virus your PC manages to sidestep, you do not have to worry about the cost to either yourself or the environment. 

We at Island Pulse appreciated Petas’ e-greeting as it was chocked so full of satire that we just had to share it with our readers.

Three festive cheers from Peta:

I wanted to thank you for all the support you have given me this year and especially for those e-mails you have forwarded during the course of the past 12 months.

I must send a particularly special thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, but even worse, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

But, hey! Yippee!! That will all change as soon as I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft is sending me for participating in Microsoft’s special email programs.

Oh yes! Lest we forget the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I can no longer buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and then rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I’ll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

I can’t even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don’t send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will crap on your head at 4:00pm tomorrow afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician.

By the way….a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who don’t have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

Happy Christmas one and all.
Peta

P.S. As in past years, I have donated the money I would have spent on cards and stamps to Macmillan Cancer Care.

Editor says: As for those who have yet to send or have completely forgot about sending those special e-card greetings, you still have time all it takes is a little google